I had the most enriching discussion with my spiritual guide: my Reiki Master, as the new year began. A few incidents shook me completely by the end of 2013, and I felt lost. He is the one I turn to when I run out of my light, my very self...when I start crawling on the precarious road of self doubt.
Many people have asked me how does one know that XYZ could be your guide? And my answer has always been the same: "You just know, when the person enters your life."
When 2014 began, I had to have a plan for myself. Not resolutions, I don't believe in them. I find them quite passe and overused, if you know what I mean. I wanted something to latch upon this year...rather, this year onward.
That is when it embarked upon me. There is one entity in my life who has been questioned, over questioned and squeezed mercilessly by myself: Yours Truly.
Not good, I say.
When I say I want the year to be for my soul, it sounds as if I am about to have a halo around my head. But it is rather pretty human. It just means that I put myself a little ahead than everyone else in my life. I just stop looking around myself a little lesser, and for a change put myself in the centre of the universe.
I am being brutally honest here. If you are like me, who is a perfectionist, who could be a little hard on herself and tends to overdo her responsibilities and is an over-thinker, to start with such a radical thought process could get overwhelming.
So this is what I did. I just closed my eyes, kept myself in the centre and blurred everyone out. I noticed that while blurring people out, I only saw those people who have judged me in the past, or who have questioned me and my decisions. Once the blurring begins, I felt the noise around me reducing and slowly getting muted. At the end of this visualisation, I felt calm and all that mattered was ME. And then I asked myself a few questions. Mine were pertaining to the situations I am dealing with, for which I needed answers. (Yours obviously could be different.) I found that the answers which came up were absolutely honest and true to myself. My soul was one with me.
And it dawned upon me. It is time to nourish my soul, and simply stop running behind expectations and judgments. I have a few great friends in my life, and they were the first ones I spoke to about what I felt. Their response was encouraging and it helped me a lot to put the decisions I took into action and thoughts.
I know none of this is easy. I am bound to have self-doubt days. Days when I feel...whether this is it? OR Is this it?
Well, what can I say?
These friends are a just a call away and then ofcourse, that is the time for me start blurring out again.
At this point of time, I am helping a very dear friend to realise how confident, lovely and beautiful she is behind the veil of self doubt she has draped around herself. And she is not the only one. There are many women I have met in my way who must learn to love their soul a lot more, so that life gives back a lot more to them.
There is more to come here...maybe as the year passes by and I achieve the few things I have in store for myself. I really want to surprise myself and a lot of people around me. Happy New Year! Amen :)