4th August 2013
For the past few weeks, I stand witness to the turmoil a
woman is facing in the hands of a man, who could have been otherwise her biggest
strength, a.k.a Husband. The woman in question is my house-help. You can read
more about her
here.
Hers was a love marriage with family consent from both
sides, about 10 years back. A happy family otherwise, but there had been a
distinct difference in the personalities of the partners. While the husband is indecisive,
reckless and all that he wants is a life as small as it can get, the wife is a
dreamer, likes good things of life and extremely responsible not just about her
family but outsiders as well. Where the husband is an introvert, the wife is an
extrovert. Now, whose fault is that?
Things started falling out of place when S (my house-help)
bought a 2 wheeler of her own about 6 months back. Envious neighbours did their
job, and the husband fell prey to the dubious versions people started telling
him. ‘She is keeping away from home for too long.’ ‘She doesn’t take care of
you or the home or the daughter’. (Funny…they are talking about a woman who
took loan from each of her employers, pawned her gold jewellery to pay for her daughter’s
school fee, when the husband refused to part with a single paisa for the fees.
She had a choice to put her in a Govt school, but she stay put and made her
daughter continue in the ICSE board school where she has been for the past 2
years.)
‘She goes to work looking very nice’….and that is a problem?
‘She comes back at 7pm!’…yeah she does that because she has taken up 2 extra
jobs in the evening in order to earn some more money. Sad, isn’t it?
S stopped talking or communicating with her husband. The
hurt that she felt was being covered under the sham of the smiles she showered during
work. Some employers understood her pain, some did not, some did not even know.
All said and done, the husband is back. He has ‘understood’
his mistakes and now wants his wife and child back. But S stands grounded. She
will not go back to him. He has turned Devdas…drinking and one step ahead,
harass her by threatening that if she does not go back to him, he will take the
daughter away. Men!
The society definitely is doing its part… ‘She is not
adjusting’….. ‘She thinks too high about herself’ and so on. But S has turned a
deaf ear.
She has deftly recorded her husband’s angry words showered
generously on her and their 5 year old daughter. She says it is proof under the
law. Applaud. Last night she went and lodged an official police complaint. Like
they say where there is a will, there is a way. The police men were kind and
helpful. They called the husband and gave him a warning. They were about to
thrash him. But S told them not to, instead just scold and warn him. I felt somewhere
she still feels for him, but such is life. It sometimes makes you think ahead
of emotions.
The child, on the other hand is paying the hefty price. From
the bubbly little girl I knew, she is now reserved, scared and unsure of
herself.
Tomorrow S might not turn up for work. She says she has to
go meet the lawyer and apply for divorce.
I am feeling a gamut of emotions to watch her do all this
all alone. I am all for family and commitment, but when the very sanctity of marriage
gets replaced by falseness, pretence, jealousy and lack of trust and love…what
is the point?
Today she stands in front of me as a symbol of womanhood,
strength and love for herself and her child. So when under the pretext of
feminism, there is money, make up and accented English being thrown away, here
is a woman, who earns 6k-7k a month, stays in a rented one room house, pays for
her Scooty’s petrol and maintenance, her child’s school fees and now…the lawyer’s
fees too.
What shall I say…I am speechless and humbled.