Are you a ‘Banyan Tree’ parent? - Blogathon - Post 1

2nd August 2013

If it was actually as funny as it sounds, life could have been easier for a child. And here, I mean a child as young as 3 years old to a child who is way into adulthood.

Think about an adult who has been successful, self made and highly opinionated. Many a times these qualities are not mutually exclusive. Now when this adult becomes a parent, what usually ensues is a parent-child relationship in which the parent is highly controlling and monitoring the child constantly. The parent, for the fear of his child making a mistake, takes all his decision and does not really let the child undergo the natural learning process. This is all under the commonly used axiom: “As a parent, I know what the best is for my child.”

The child on the other hand grows up with the need for approval, is not sure about his decisions or thought process, which further affects his independence. This could have serious repercussions when this child grows into an adult and enters into that stage of life where he would have to take serious decisions on his own.

And how is this connected to a banyan tree?

Have you ever noticed that nothing grows under a Banyan tree? A Banyan tree is very vast, especially the roots. On top of it, the branches and the leaves form a huge umbrella. This is why the shade provided by a Banyan tree is the coolest. Slowly these roots get embedded inside the soil. The final result is that there is no space for natural supplements (sunlight, loose soil, etc) for a new plant to grow and thereby become a tree.
Keep the parenting style of the person mentioned in the beginning of the post and the Banyan tree on the other hand. If you connect the dots, you will see that this is Banyan tree parenting style. As much as the parent is hugely experienced in life, career and education…it is not of great impact on the child as the child is unable to grow under the parent. The roots are so deep and spread that it refuses to let go of the child and his natural growth process.

The way such a parent thinks is:

“I have gone through so much of struggle and success. I should ensure that my child gets the best and chooses the best. Since he is my child, I know better than him. What if I let him do this alone and he messes it up. What if he does it incorrectly?”

My question is: Yes, what if…he does it incorrectly? He will falter once or twice or a couple more times, but ultimately understand the best way to do it correctly.
Easier said than done. If you are a Banyan tree parent, you will be probably thinking whether it is practical to just let go of your child.

Actually yes. Because you are not letting go of your child. You are just tweaking the way you care about your child. A few pointers of insight could be:


I leave you with my favourite lines from the best parenting poems ever...that of Khalil Gibran:


Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

Labels: , ,