Today I read an interview of Sonali Bendre, where she said:
“I don’t want to be equal to a man. We are meant to be
different and meant to be that way. I thrive on the difference between a man
and a woman.”
It prompted me to write this post, because in the past I
have made an equivalent statement to fellow-women. Some have agreed and some
have looked at me with contempt. Reasoning by the latter:
“Well, which world are you in? Women are at par with men. We
are on the top of every field which was male dominated. The top execs of India’s
many leading banks are women, aren’t they? Everything that a man does, we can
do it…better.”
I don’t know how better to explain this, but here is why I
think why a woman and a man cannot be at par.
- If really man and woman were supposed to be
equal, then nature would not have 2 genders, really.
- If a man and woman could be equal, then we would
be at ease to come back home after a tiring day at work, and sit with a cup of
tea in front of the TV for like one hour. (Don’t forget the elder one has
homework and the younger one wants a blue colour crayon)
- If both were at par, a man would not suck at
multi-tasking.
- Women are at more risk at heart diseases and
tensions. Maybe we should not take up a lot of things. Maybe we should pamper
ourselves a lot more. Maybe we should go out a lot more with our girl-friends.
Well it is not a cakewalk to handle emotions of the entire family, love them
equally, juggle different demands at the same time, breast feed, go through
labour, have a highly flexible body, eat immediately after washing the baby’s potty,
cook after an excruciatingly painful day and have a period every single month!
And a man cannot that. So why not let him work a little harder. It’s really OK.
If a guy is reading this, you might just be
calling me names, hang on, here is why I think you guys are better than us.
1.
You are far less judgemental than us. It is
really easy for you to see black as black and white as white.
2.
You are more objective and less subjective.
Trust me, that is a boon. You take decisions on the basis of the information in
front of you, not on the basis of all the emotions behind it. Decision making
is far easier that way.
3.
It is really a bliss to get flowers from you…and
those little gifts….the surprises and all the jazz.
4.
We really like chivalry in men. Yes, the opening
of the doors for us, holding hands when we cross the road, the protective hand
on our shoulders and the works. It just will not feel alright, if we do the
same thing for you.
So what’s right?
When I came in to the lives of my parents, my mother had a choice to
either be with me or go to work. She chose to go to work. She was passionate
about her job and did not want to compromise on any account. But what she chose
to do was give away the role of a full time mother. She chose to share the responsibility
with her mother and husband. She found it okay that she was not the only one
who would take me the doctor, or attend every single PTM, or prepare me for
every exam or the fact that there were times when I underperformed. She let my
dad take over many of the things, so that she could pursue her dreams.
While I, about 7.5 years ago had the choice to be a SAHM or continue with
my job. I chose former. It was suicidal…everyone felt that, even I felt at
times. But I chose it because I knew I wanted to be a hands on mother. I could
go on with the job which paid me well and gave me financial independence and be
a mother who frets on the aspects of our child. But I chose to embark the responsibility
of being the bread winner of the family to be M. I felt he could do a better
job while I could be a better parent. It was not about equality, it was about
prioritising. It couldn’t have been better. I discovered the passion towards
teaching and writing during that period.
Let us not mix up the need for women=men with the cause for equal
opportunity, security for women, respect for women, harassment issues. Those
are completely valid and in many cases it is a matter of human rights that that
of a woman’s right. A woman has to feel
safe and secure at all time, for that matter even a man needs to.
This blog post is per say talking about the need for women to outperform
men at every sphere of life. There are some things which men are good at. Try
changing flat tyres. It is a much better sight watching a guy do that. How
about attending an office party when the child is sick. Please, let’s face it,
a guy can do it a lot more better. The point is that why try to be equal. Why
do we have to get everywhere? Do our job, and do theirs too.
There
is a thin line between independence and be a show stopper. To understand that minuscule difference is a task in itself. Do yourself a favour, take a moment and understand that fine line.