It was not a sought after decision when I took a break from blogging. And today when I have decided to update my blog, it definitely is something my heart felt. I don't blame myself. The past two and half months has been that period of my life, when I changed forever. Under the pretext of unfortunate incidents, I have metamorphosed. It is a big term : Metamorphosis. One of the synonyms of this word is 'being reborn'. And yes, I took a re-birth. My soul this time has become stronger and livelier. I re-structured the priorities of my life. And surprisingly many of the so called priorities of the past looked very minuscule. Today, I look at a larger picture of life. I take every day as it comes. My father's passing away taught me that there is no bigger truth in life than death itself. And that all the grudge, negativity and dislike is temporary. It holds no meaning in life. And that at the end, only one thing prevails: Optimism.
HOPE is what I felt when I held my father's watch and last-bought bus ticket, and atlast let go of every argument we had and every word of dislike we exchanged. (I still have the ticket in my purse, and the watch in my drawer.) It is what I felt everytime my heart drooped and I wished for better days.
STRENGTH is what I felt when I saw my mother breaking down. Sometimes, it is a good deed to look strong, no matter you cry your heart out in the bathroom, and then come out with, "Now, let's get this done with. What next?" on your lips. Strength is when I could not accompany her to my parent's home, and she had to enter their house alone after two months. It is that feeling when you learn to stand tall, even when your heart is heavy and pounding. Strength is what I derived when I touched the heart of my father's lifeless body and said 'I love you' a million times over.
LOVE is a term I understood when my husband and I stood by each other during the testing times which followed after my father's death. Elizibeth Gilbert's 'Eat, Pray, Love' sadly and incorrectly mentions that 'a soul mate is someone with whom you cannot live your life with.' Nevertheless, I agreed with what the book mentioned as the meaning of a soul-mate. My truth is that, there is no blessing greater than spending your lifetime with your soul-mate.
SELF-BELIEF is what I derived when I realised that I am providing strength to my family. It is, when my family felt that tough times melt away when we believe in ourselves.
PRESENCE OF A SUPREME POWER is the belief that got re-instated when I did reiki, prayers and meditation.
PRESENCE OF MY FATHER'S BEAUTIFUL SOUL is what I felt when I saw him twice in my dreams. Both the times, he had the most calm smile on his face. I felt him when I got a photograph of his in the same blue T-shirt in which my mother and I saw him in my dreams. (The photograph is framed and aptly kept in the family-pictures corner of my home.)
MARVEL is what I felt when in the past few years none of my friends had called me before ten in the morning for my birthday, and this year one of my friends wished me around seven in the morning thinking that I would be missing my father. (How does it sound that she is a virtual friend with whom I had never spoken before and that I was missing my father the most that morning, as his phone has always been the first I received on my birthday...always around seven am.) The same day another virtual acquaintance I had never interacted with, sent a personal message saying words which I needed to hear very much. The next day a good friend asked me to blog again and re-assured my self-belief. What better way than this, for my father to speak to me!
LAUGHTER is what we resorted to when things looked the grayest. Its amazing how silly and self-imposed jokes can do to brighten up things. I cannot thank Star World enough for Friends, Two and a half men, and other funny sitcoms.
PATIENCE is a virtue which is highly understated. Sometimes, life and its situations leaves us helpless and solution-less. That's when being patient counts. Better days will come for sure. We cannot see it yet, but it will happen. Life is like the waves, after every low contour, there will be a high contour. I see myself as a ball. When the ball hits hard on the floor, it rises higher. So when life hits me hard, I know I am going rise high.
FORGIVENESS is what I learnt in the true sense. 'Letting go' gives away space in our heart for new beginnings. Its the art of making look the wrongdoer look so insignificant and unimportant that you rise above yourself. I am glad I learnt it.
Looking ahead is what life teaches...Thankfully I learnt it.